All About the Fanboy
by OnceABlueMoon
Summary: Yuri's desperate (and, in hindsight, hopeless) attempt to hide his skate-crush on Yuuri Katsuki.


**Summary:** Yuri's desperate (and, in hindsight, hopeless) attempt to hide his skate-crush on Yuuri Katsuki.

 **Note:** Halfway through, at the ''Four months later'' part, All About Yuuri takes place.

this is part of the Family On Ice series, but can be read as a standalone!

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Yuri! On Ice.

* * *

It began as a game.

Yuri had been forced to accompany Yakov and Georgi to a skating competition. The old hag had cracked up when she'd helped them force him through the airport. ''You're like an angry kitten, it's no wonder Yakov doesn't leave you alone, you'd slash the furniture to shreds the minute you'd be left alone.''

''I AM NOT AN ANGRY KITTEN AND WOULDN'T DESTROY THE FURNITURE IF YOU WOULD'T DO SHIT LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME'!''

Mila had laughed. ''Pettiness rules in this family, Yura!''

He hadn't been able to argue that. Didn't mean that he didn't post those pictures of her in drag anyway.

Mila's reply made him nearly smash his phone again.

Mila Babicheva:

 _So cute Yura_

 _#SmolAngryBrother #HesSoPrecious #ThinksHeCanEmbarrassMe #Please #HesTooShortForThat #IAmAwesome #DeliciousInDrag_

Fuck her and her stupid confidence!

* * *

He was in the crowd, watching Georgi. Which was really not all that bad, if it wasn't for Anya painting her nails next to him while Georgi threw kisses at her. Her beaming smile was _creepy_ and Yuuri had problems enough already. Like the fact that he was planning to go seniors next year, and that somebody _dared_ to have the same name as him. There couldn't be two Yuri's in the same competition! He'd have to deal with that before next season. Preferably today, because Yuuri Katsuki was performing, so what better opportunity would he get?

The problem was: how?

There was this adorable kid sitting on his left (Not that Yuri _liked_ children or something. All brats were evil, with their cute chubby cheeks and small hands!) throwing plushies onto the ice. Ha! That one bounced right off the skater! Bullseye! It was just too _swee- hitting the skater, that was it!_

The _perfect_ solution! Yuri would throw stuffed animals and flowers directly at Yuuri Katsuki's face after his performances, so he would fall over and injure himself! The injury would no doubt be so severe he would have to sit out the next season and Yuri couldn't be arrested for sabotage because he wasn't in the senior division yet and… He hated that people called his physique ''dainty'' and shit, but it would definitely help play the innocent kid card. He'd only have to blink, flutter his lashes like Victor (wait, not Victor, never like Victor- he'd adjust that part of the plan later) and they would all fall over their feet to free him from the clutches of the terrible police!

Oh, yes, Russia's ice tiger was on a roll!

The Japanese skater would rue sharing his name! There could be only one Yuri on ice, and it certainly wasn't Katsuki!

* * *

It was Katsuki's turn and Yuri could see his legs were shaking from all the way over here. Damn wimp. Pathetic.

Katsuki took a deep breath and assumed his opening position. The crowd went quiet.

The music started and Yuri had to admit that Katsuki wasn't all that bad. He wasn't one for the mushy (he was Russia's Ice Tiger, not the fucking sugarplum fairy), but the way Katsuki managed to involve emotions in his skating was masterful. Hmm... That jump was sloppy.

A flawless layback Ina Bauer and- Yuri dropped the plushies.

Fuckity, fuckity, fuck.

The _step sequence._

* * *

Yuri couldn't for the life of him sabotage someone who did step sequences that beautiful. He didn't want to admire Katsuki's skating, but the stupid jerk left him no choice. That graceful footwork, that divine turn! '

Fuck. He was in way too deep.

(He was never going to hear the end of it if anyone found out).

* * *

Four months later, the Viktor Nikiforov Protection Squad had moved out, there had been identity issues and Yuri (who was NOT their mascot) had embarrassed himself terribly in front of Katsuki. Worse, Victor had succeeded in seducing Yuri's idol (tch, more like Katsuki had seduced Victor) and was now going to coach him. Which meant that Yuuri moved to Russia to be taught in the same rink as Yuri (!) and that would have been awesome (the end of Yuri's little fanboy heart!) if it had not been for the fact that he needed to HIDE HIS POSTERS.

Not only to stop embarrassing himself any further in front of Katsuki but also to stop the old hag from teasing him to death when she would inevitably go into his room in search of blackmail material.

God fucking damn it.

* * *

There was one place in the world where Yuri was sure Mila would _never_ find it. Not even if the building was broken down. In that case, it would be because Yuri had removed them beforehand, because there was _no way_ he would allow his precious Yuuri Katsuki posters be taken from him. He needed them for his Yuuri shrine!

The perfect hiding place was the boy's locker room at the rink. Why? Well, not only was there a deep, hollow space behind the lockers, just narrow enough to hold a poster container, but it also was (did he mention that already?) the boy's locker room.

No, it was not the nudity that would deter Mila, nor was it the fact that it was an invasion of privacy. Mila did not know the meaning of privacy, as was evident in her grand blackmail collection and the huge nose she stuck in everybody's business. It was another, more natural defense.

The smell of sweaty teenage boys and the stinky feet of men.

(Yuri had worried it would eat away at his posters, so just to be sure, he'd put them in an airtight container this time. Nobody and nothing was going to damage his babies)

* * *

''I found a treasure!'' Victor stormed into the rink, waving around a- god fucking damn it- _familiar container._ ''There were Yuuri Katsuki posters hidden behind the boy's lockers! I can't believe my luck! My lovely cinnamon roll! I wanted these so badly, but they were sold out! Can you believe it? Mila, Mila! Look!''

Opening the container, Victor presented the posters like Simba.

Yuri grid his teeth. ''Sudden exposure to light is _bad for them,_ you fucking idiot!''

Quickly, Victor lowered them, protectively placing the lid back on, frantically looking from side to side as if sunlight was an enemy that would sneak up on him.

Yuri wanted to throttle him. What if the posters had gotten caught on the lid?!

''Vitya, darling, we can't look at them like that.'' Anya sighed from the rink.

''Oh, right!'' Reaching inside, Victor-

''OH NO YOU DON'T!''

Blackmail material be damned, Victor's grubby paws were NOT touching Yuri's limited edition Yuuri Katsuki catboy posters!

"That mine, stupid! Give it back! It's a limited edition and it completes my collection! Take your dirty hands off it!"

Too late. Victor had taken them out of the box and Yuri's favourite poster- the one of Katsuki in a cute kitty skirt- had been revealed to the world at large.

Or, well, the skating rink.

A choking sound came from the entrance. ''Oh my god. I had no idea those were still in circulation. Just-'' _Yuuri Katsuki_ swallowed, looking pale, ''Let me sit down for a minute.''

Yuri was ready to die. Just let it come. Bury him alive.

His idol had found out about his obsession. ''If someone could kill me now, it would be greatly appreciated.''

Victor cocked his head, tapping his bottom lip. ''If I slit your throat, can I have the posters?''

Mila was cackling in the background.

Oh, no. He didn't.

Snatching the box out of Victor's hands, Yuri stole the poster and put it back in. Without ceremony, he grabbed Victor's shirt next. ''Over my dead body, you idol defiling jerk!''

Victor gasped. ''Yuuri is a Japanese idol too?!'' With wide eyes, he looked past Yuri at his boyfriend, ''Where can I get the merchandise?!''

Katsuki, for his part, sank his red face into his hands.

Anya rolled with her eyes, skating towards the barrier. Tapping her nails on it, she got their attention. ''I think we'd know if Katsuki had been an idol.''

Mila, still sitting on top of the barrier, nodded. ''Yuri would've known. Vitya too, for that matter, and the second he found out, it would've been on the billboards.'' And cackled on like the utter devil she was.

Fuck this. If they were going to tease him further about this instead of giving him a mercy kill, then Yuri was going to rock this shit like nobody had ever rocked it before.

He would _show them fanboy._

Beginning with establishing his freaking seniority over Victor, because you did not just happily skip into a fandom and take it over. Not with veterans like Yuri present.

''I'm your Yuuri fangirl senpai. Bow to me, peasant! You shall worship me like a proper kohai!''

Victor dropped to his knees faster than the speed of light.

Okay, Yuri had not anticipated that, but he sure could roll with it. Sliding his sunglasses onto his face, he smiled. Finally some damn respect in this place.

From below (the dirty dregs where shipping trash like Victor _belonged._ Because seriously? A self-insert fanfiction brought to life? Victor should've done _better._ Yuri expected a fast learning rate from his fan-slaves, and Victor had to catch the fuck up), Victor squeaked. ''My hair is on the ground and so is my Armani suit, but here! Bow! Now give me the poster, fangirl-senpai!''

Yuri spluttered. ''That was too easy!''

Katsuki made dying animal noises in the background. …Yuri should get him something to drink. And take a picture. And ask for more autographs.

Actually, why the hell hadn't he thought of rolling with the fandom in the open before? It obviously was an A+ life choice.

Mila might be laughing at him, but Yuri was _living the life._

Of a fanboy, that is.

''Wait-'' Katsuki whispered, looking up with eyes glistening as if he had just heard angel choirs, ''Does this mean I can put up my Victor posters too?''

Yuri should've KNOWN a divine creature like Katsuki would have fanboy seniority over him!


End file.
